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  • May

    Top Ten Reason the Orioles are in First Place

    Written by Larry Hodges alias Larrytt

    10) First the obvious: We lead the AL East in runs scored; are first in fielding percentage, fielding efficiency rating, and double plays; and are second in ERA (3.83) just behind the Yankees (3.76) and ahead of the Red Sox (3.95). And we're staying healthy - we lead the league in least HBP with 6. 

    9) We have Hulk at first, Spider-Man at shortstop, Superboy at third, Apollo in right, Captain America in center, Flash in left, Thing catching, and the Sub-Mariner and Lassie in the bullpen. We'll survive Jar Jar Binks subbing for Professor Xavier at second. 

    8) Technically, the Orioles are tied with the Red Sox for first place - but that's a farce, since the Orioles are clearly better, beating them 2/3 of the time this year. It's no coincidence that First Place is an anagram for Split Farce.

    7) It's May, the Birds are singing (but not in Toronto), and the O's are grinding the Red Sox underfoot - after all, that's where sox belong. They'd be the White Sox except for all the bleeding we're causing. 

    6) In the battle to see which teams are fiercest, the Orioles won out. After all, "Orioles in First Place" is just an anagram for "Still a Fiercer Poison."

    5) McLouth. Machado. Jones. Davis. Who needs a Murderer's Row when you have a Genocide Row?

    4) One word: HA! Or rather, H.A., which stands for Houston Astros (10-24), who we haven't played yet, and yet we're in first place.

    3) JJ Hardy is starting to hit, and he says it's because of the warmer weather. After all, "Orioles Magic" is just an anagram for "Igloos a Crime."

    2) We finally have five starting pitchers who can pitch plus the best bullpen in the league - and none of them are named Chris Davis.

    1) Showalter. At the top of the standings is a sign that says, "The Buck Stops Here." And here we are!

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