10) He's only 19.6% of the way through a 56-game hitting streak. 

9) He led all AL shortstops in home runs in 2011 (30) and 2012 (22), and he's leading them again with 7 (on pace for 28, and also leads in RBI with 23). The guy simply does not like running the bases.

8) JJ already strikes fear in the hearts of opponents, so all we have to do is have them mix up J. Johnson with J.J. Hardy. 

7) He likes to mash Blue Jays until they are Red Jays, and he plans to singlehandedly destroy Toronto (and NY, Boston, and Tampa Bay) the rest of the year. After all, James Hardy (his real name) is just an anagram for Mash Red Jay. 

6) Hardy is just an anagram for Hydra, and only Hercules can slay that. Fortunately Hercules plays first base for the Orioles. 

5) He leads the AL in Double Plays and Assists, and the AL East in Range Factor, with the second best fielding percentage in the AL East - and he does this despite the handicap of lugging around that heavy gold glove.

4) He's spent his entire career with the Brewers, Twins, and Orioles, and there's nothing scarier than a double drunk bird with a bat in its hands. 

3) You know he's going to have a Hollywood ending to this season because he once guest starred in The Young and the Restless (2007). (We won't even talk about the J.J. Hardy that played Herman in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade because he was an imposter and the movie did so well they decided to do "Crystal Skull.") 

2) He's like Mr. America, with an .872 OPS against lefties in 42 plate appearances. He hates those commies. 

1) He can kill the ball better than anyone in baseball, and when he leaves the ping-pong table to play baseball he's pretty good too.