• Sep

    HHP: You're No Good, Baltimore Orioles

    by Larry Hodges Alias LarryTT

    (With apologies to Lewis Carroll and "You Are Old, Father William")

    "You're no good, Baltimore Orioles," the sportswriter said,
    "And your play all year long has been trite;
    And yet you keep winning when you should be dead?
    Do you think, since you're bad, it is right?"

    "Early this year," to the sportswriter the Orioles replied,
    "We feared that our play was in vain;
    But now we have something that we can confide:
    We'll keep winning, again and again."

    "You're no good," said the sportswriter, "As I mentioned before,
    And your hitting is really quite flat;
    And yet when you need runs you always score more?
    Pray, what is the reason for that?"

    "Early this year," the Orioles said, doffing their bright orange socks,
    We learned that one more is enough;
    Scoring twelve runs in a game really rocks,
    But all those spare runs are just fluff."

    "You're no good," said the sportswriter, "Your starting pitching too weak,
    To compete in the American League East;
    And yet you keep winning despite this critique?
    You should lose one hundred at least!"

    "Early this year," the Orioles said, "We discovered with awe,
    Starting pitching was not what we need,
    Forget sabermetrics, and all that blah blah,
    We win when our relievers succeed."

    "You're no good," said the sportswriter, "one would hardly suppose,
    That your fielding was steady as ever;
    Yet you keep throwing men out by a nose?
    How do you achieve this endeavor?"

    "We have answered three questions, and that is enough."
    Said the Orioles, "you don't see how we fight.
    When we're on the field we always play tough,
    And that is the source of our might!"

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