• Apr
    27

    HHP: Top Ten Reasons the Orioles Have the Best Pitching in Baseball


    by Larry Hodges alias "larrytt"

    10) Let's get the obvious out of the way with the AL East ERA's: '12 Orioles 3.29; Blue Jays 3.83; Rays 4.33; Yankees 4.41; '11 Red Sox 6.26. (Take out Gregg and the O's ERA drops to 3.11. Take out Matusz and it drops to 2.83. Take out both Gregg and Matusz and it drops to 2.61, best in the majors. O's ERA in 2011: 4.89.)

    9) Lindstrom (8.1 innings), Ayala (8.0), and Johnson (7.2) have yet to give up an earned run in their 24 innings. O'Day (8.0 innings, one earned run, ERA 1.13) is our fourth best reliever. Strop (12.0 innings, 3 earned runs. 2.25 ERA) is our embarrassing #5; all the other pitchers laugh at him. The five combine for 44 innings and an ERA of 0.82.

    8) Because of the use of pink baseballs to promote breast cancer research, batters lose sight of the ball every time Adam Jones blows a bubble.

    7) The O's pitching staff was sprinkled with pixy dust from the Brian Matusz, who unfortunately gave away too much.

    6) The Orioles have seven relief pitchers. If the starter goes seven innings, and each reliever goes one, opponents won't see Gregg until the fourteenth inning.

    5) Orioles pitching level can be represented by the following variables multiplied together. Let K = number of K's by O's pitchers. Let O = number of Outs at second by silly base runners who try to steal on Wieters. Let U = number of innings that Gregg is Unused. Let F = average speed of an Orioles Fastball, taking relativity into account as it nears the speed of light. Let A = number of rarely successful Assists by Oriole third basemen. Let X = the "X" factor that represents Orioles Magic returning to Camden Yards after a long absence. Then Orioles Pitching = KOUFAX.

    4) After the 1997 season, Orioles Magic visited Barnard's Star, a red dwarf star in the constellation of Ophiuchus, six light years away, and the home of pitcher Chandler Barnard of the San Angelos Colts in the North American League (12-2 in 2011 with a 3.25 ERA). Traveling at light speed, it took Orioles Magic six years to get there, it stayed for 2.5 years, and then took six more years to return, and only just returned to Camden Yards this month.

    3) The invention of a new pitch made all the difference. Called a handball, the pitch was invented by the 6'6" Jason Hammel. The pitch is done by the pitcher reaching forward from the pitcher's mound while the 6'5" Matt Wieters reaches toward the pitcher's mound. The pitcher hands the ball to Matt, who then brings the hand clutching the ball back through the strike zone as the batter squawks to no avail.

    2) Peter Angelos stopped off at a luxury pet store and bought some expensive lions, tigers, elephants, and pitchers. As we all know, Pitchers is just an anagram for Rich Pets.

    1) Orioles pitchers don't have to face the MAN (Matt, Adam, and Nolan).


    Comments/Questions?
    Visit the Orioles Hangout Message Board